I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize