I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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