We need to start having sex underwater more often.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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