I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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