ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
just found out that she named her cat after me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
