I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
