he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
