smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
