i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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