My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
