She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
