two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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