Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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