Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
