So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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