I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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