so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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