i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
