I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
