Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
