oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
