is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
