We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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