Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
