Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize