I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I think my moral compass just broke
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