Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
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