you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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