I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
