i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
