I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
