dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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