Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize