all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize