quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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