Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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