I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
