I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
