You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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