I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I checked into jail on foursquare
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Are we still banned from the library?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
