Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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