community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
