She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize