That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
