My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
