I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
