i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
