we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize