whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
