I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
