Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
