Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
