i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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