I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Congratulations! We have a period
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