Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Plan B is the new Plan A
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
