he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
