I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
