no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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