One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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