So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
