she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
