I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize