dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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