your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
