pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
