the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
