oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
