The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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