well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
