Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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