Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
