Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
