PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize