he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
