haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
