Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
