She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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