Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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