im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
