I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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