Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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