Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
