He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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