They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
