Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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