When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
