Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
