Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
