The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
