Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
