I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
