just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
