She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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