Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
