Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
