white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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