i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
two words: eviction party
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
