dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Randomize
