Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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