Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
