I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
