fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
